spidertime | (no subject)

TT: Yes, Strider, you've done it. That is exactly what a library is. Books were a delicacy back on Earth, though I'm hardly surprised that you'd never heard of them. TT: And if you try to eat them, we're going to have words.
TT: Kanaya's been teaching me to read the language, though. Did you know that Alternian happens to be exactly the same as English, right down to the alphabet? Twenty six letters and everything. The only difference is that their letters look different than ours.
TT: Child's play, really.

TT: PS, if I find out that you're actually wearing them, I'm going to set your bed on fire.
TT: And don't think I didn't notice that jab at my weight. At this rate, you'll find yourself with a pleasant faceful of "Blocked" before you can even tell me whatever it is you're clearly so desperate to tell me.
TT: :)

TG: did you know that they also have videogames?
TG: theyre exactly like the ones back on earth except they have really long titles and the blood looks like a kid with his first fingerpaint
TG: im sticking to what i do best
TG: you have fun with the books i hear they make good friends

TG: your laundry remains unsullied for now
TG: by which i mean its used and needs to be laundered like laundry does with its spin on
TG: rockin thump thump thump as the washer gets unbalanced
TG: a good beat when kanayas busy

TG: and i dunno
TG: i was just wanting to chat or something
TG: do i need a reason to lie to my sis and say shes fat

TT: I did know that, yes. You know, Karkat actually tried to get Kanaya and I to play with him, once or twice.
TT: The games weren't so bad, but you can imagine what sort of player he is.
TT: The very worst kind. You think he yells a lot on a normal day? I've never met a more sore loser in my life, and I know what you're like.

TT: The less I know about what sordid things you're doing to my poor, innocent underthings, the better. There are some sights better left unseen, some mental images best left uncovered. I of all people should know.

TT: Well, we're chatting, so congratulations are in order, I suppose.
TT: It has been a long time since we've done that, hasn't it?
TT: It's sort of funny.
TT: One would think that having all of us here, together, on this meteor would bring us all closer together. Or at least, force us to spend time together. But it feels like instead, we've all grown apart.
TT: One or two notable exceptions, of course.
TT: What would you like to chat about?

TG: hey woah easy there you could hurt my delicate feelings if you go around pretending like i cant take my losses like a man
TG: i only flipped the board over that once and you admitted to cheating

TG: you know youre thinking about your feminine tighty whities on my ass right now
TG: and thinking dayum that boy has a fine one
TG: everyone wants to tap that like a boppit
TG: (retro game look it up im the king of the twist)

TG: chatting about your underwear was the first step
TG: then i was going to lead you onto talk of bras
TG: furthered by a smooth segue onto the fact its your birthday soon
TG: mine too but yours was what i was angling for

TT: Well, if your intention was to disturb me before you even came to the topic of our days of birth, then congratulations, you've done it.
TT: I'm thinking about it, and I wish to all that is unholy that I wasn't. Maybe if I ask the horrorterrors nicely, they'll be kind enough to excise the mental image from my memory.
TT: You're doing an admirable job combating the stereotypical image of the southern man as an incestuous redneck, by the way.
TT: Bravo. Freud would have an aneurysm.

TT: I admit, though, I'm surprised you remembered. It can be so easy to lose track of the days here.
TT: Especially considering that there's no day or night here.
TT: Just the same omnipresent florescent drone day in and day out.
TT: Except for the occasional dream bubble, I suppose.

TT: Also, I should mention that you can, in fact, come talk to me in person, if you want. I promise that I won't bite.
TT: Unless you come wearing my things. Then we're going to have very serious words.

TG: yall shouldnt be mocking my family roots now
TG: esp when you love turning me into a dartboard for your psychobabble theories
TG: doctor hes talking about aj now
TG: that means he wants to fuck his sister
TG: doctor hes drinking his aj
TG: that means he wants to fuck his mom
TG: doctor hes washing the cup his aj was in
TG: hes got herpes

TG: course i remembered my best sis bday
TG: what kind of ectobro couldnt rustle up a couple of balloons and a cake in time for that
TG: plus i know for a fact you could shank anything you wanted and i dont want to land on that list

TG: and i could come and talk to you in person
TG: i could do that
TG: but i think my lips have forgotten how to move
TG: wouldnt want to embarrass them in front of you

TT: Psychobabble theories? I think I can oblige.
TT: Ahem.
TT: "Doctor Lalonde, he's terrified of talking to his sister."
TT: "He wants to fuck her."
TT: How was that?
TT: I'm glad you told me about the small matter of the herpes, though. That must have been hard for you. Does poor Terezi know?

TT: I appreciate that you used the verb "shank," by the way. Your commitment to the embarrassingly phallic and freudian is truly something to behold.
TT: I will await the day with bated breath. And who knows? Maybe I will even have something special for you on your birthday.

Edited 2013-01-28 07:50 (UTC)

TG: im not scared of talking to you
TG: talking to you right now without any fear stabbing into my gut with weirdly sparkly knitting needles
TG: i was thinking of making your bday gift a bedazzler for the thorns great idea y/n/dave youre the best bro and im going to shut up about freud within the week
TG: what are you thinking of getting me

TT: Implying that I could ever give up talking about Freud is akin to my asking for you to remove the shades for a week. In other words, a fruitless endeavor, and you should feel embarrassed for even bringing it up.

TT: How did you know that what I wanted most in the world was to turn my eldritch wands of forbidden magic into instruments of gaudiness and preteen glory?
TT: And here I thought that Terezi was the Seer of Mind, not you.

TT: Why would I tell you what I plan to give you? That would only serve to spoil the surprise. Half the pleasure would be in seeing your face at the moment of recognition, and I wouldn't trade that away for the world.
TT: Don't bother asking Kanaya, by the way. She doesn't know either.

TG: dont bring my shades into this they get dragged into my arguments and its sulk city and i cant trust what i see for a week

TG: i am your flesh and blood i just went with what my gut told me and it whispered about sparkles and diamonds
TG: dont worry about the surprise being ruined ive arranged some other stuff too

TG: when you cause the downfall of the world theyre going to pin this as the turning point of your tyranny
TG: the only solution is distributing a hint to me
TG: is it red
TG: tell me its red

TT: I await the day with bated breath.
TT: I might even appreciate it enough to bedazzle some of your things, as well.
TT: Maybe your underwear. As revenge for wearing my panties, you understand.
TT: If I could bring myself to touch the things, which I doubt I could. So don't worry. Your boxers are almost certainly safe enough.

TT: It is a color.
TT: Whether or not said color happens to be red, I can neither confirm nor deny.
TT: Well, I could confirm or deny, but I refuse to.
TT: I feel that that's an important distinction to make.
TT: I could make sure that the wrapping paper is red, if it would make you feel that much better about it.
TT: But rest assured, brother dearest. You won't be disappointed.
TT: That's as much a hint as I'll give you. Do with it what you will.

TG: id be disappointed if that wasnt my exact plan
TG: i want to see everything within your reach made fabulicious
TG: a veritable rainbow reaching up two metres onto the walls and then stopping because you cant lose your dignity to jumping

TG: cruel temptress so callous with my emotions
TG: youre going to crush them under your forceful thumb
TG: what if i pulled a face
TG: would that make you tell me
TG: B(
TG: B'(
TG: bam
TG: now youre forced to let me in on it

TT: Mr. Strider, you underestimate me.
TT: Have you never heard of a ladder? Or a stool, even.
TT: I believe I could lower myself to standing upon one of those.
TT: Never fear. I'll make this the ugliest asteroid in the Outer Ring before you even have a chance to blink.

TT: Tears?
TT: How quaint.
TT: And delicious.
TT: At last, I can reveal my deepest, darkest secret: I feed upon your pain, Strider. Your watery eyes are what give me my strength. TT: In all seriousness, though, I'm still not telling you.

TG: see you dont even know how to use a stool
TG: you dont lower yourself onto them
TG: this can only end in disaster i cant let you get up there rose
TG: i cant let you do this to yourself

TG: you werent being serious about the pain energy
TG: because that feels like a real thing
TG: its about time you paid me back for that
TG: theres something niggling me that could do nicely
TG: hint: its got red wrapping paper

TT: It's good to know that you can recognize a figure of speech when you see one. I'll have to remember that.
TT: That was sarcasm, by the way. Just in case you missed it. I wouldn't want you to come away with the wrong impression.

TT: If you keep harassing me about it, then maybe I'll get you something else entirely.
TT: Such as a lifetime supply of smuppets.
TT: You know, for old times' sake. I could bury your room in them.
TT: Every morning you'd awaken to a pile of impudent, jutting noses.
TT: Every night you'd be lulled to sleep by a choir of quivering plush rumps.
TT: In fact, I think I like this idea even better than the one I had before.
TT: Thank you, Dave, for helping me to see the light. I know you'll appreciate the gift.

TG: facetious n. (/fɨˈnɛtɪk/ʃɪt/) me at all times
TG: youre going to be left behind in my swathes of irony
TG: get to my level but bam ive gone up ten and saved the princess
TG: who also happens to be you but its a ways off yet and youll see when you get there its a oscar winning drama which means it made the judges cry

TG: dont even say it rose
TG: i can still feel them around the place like a phantom limb
TG: apart from theyre fluro and jiggle

TT: Oh, I'm more than saying it.
TT: I'm walking to the alchemiter as we speak.
TT: The prospect is so exciting that I'm even willing to overlook your most blatant "i want to fuck my sister" moment yet by implying that I am your princess to rescue to focus on the task at hand.
TT: I'm afraid I don't have the captcha codes necessary to begin production at the moment, but I'm sure I can figure something out. Perhaps by using Terezi's scalemate friends as a base.
TT: If nothing else, I'm sure Kanaya would be more than happy to stitch a prototype from with the proboscalypse can well and truly begin.

TT: Which actually brings me to a question I'd been meaning to ask you.
TT: Sort of.
TT: Your birthday is the third, but because of your incessant time travel, you're a good few days older than you should be.
TT: Would you prefer your birthday celebrated on the customary day, or the day that you truly reach another year?

TG: princes dont have to be married to the princess you know
TG: they can be the princess bro too
TG: like check it you couldnt be a princess in law could you
TG: and im no half assed guy who needs to marry into higher blood either
TG: only way it works is for me to just be a cool guy who thought hed save his sis from the tower and give her a haircut while hes up there
TG: no romance necessary
TG: bone up those theories rose this ones not going anywhere

TG: you think too much about it
TG: if i get a choice i want it on a tuesday though
TG: nothing good ever happens on a tuesday so we should give it a break
TG: dust it off and make sure its doing okay hand it a cake along with mine
TG: can we get cake on this place
TG: scratch that
TG: can we get chocolate cake
TG: no other kind of cake will do for my precious tuesday

TT: Nonetheless, the image one tends to conjure when confronted with the classic knight in shining armor scenario is one of a dashing, handsome, virtuous prince rescuing a swooning damsel, who presents him with true love's first kiss as a reward.
TT: Fortunately for me, knight though you may be, you possess none of said qualities in any meaningful measure.
TT: It's interesting, though, the way you chose to phrase that statement.
TT: "Bone up."
TT: Hmmmmm.

TT: You could take my proclivity towards overthinking the situation as a sign that I do, in fact, care.
TT: But really, that sounds like entirely too much effort, and to move your birthday up to a Tuesday would result in the celebration coming a full five days early. You spent quite a lot of time time traveling, but I don't think you spent that much.
TT: It was a dumb idea, anyway. I do have them, from time to time.
TT: Saturday the 3rd it is.
TT: I'll see what I can do regarding the cake, though.

TG: i put that in there just to test you
TG: see if you were keeping an eye out and really cared about my sister fucking tenancies
TG: im touched that youre still so vigalant looking out for me
TG: keeping my dick in check
TG: not getting it out of my pants today doctor lalonde got out her lock and key

TG: saturdays hog all the glory
TG: i guess it can win this time
TG: next round though were going to spread this light around

TT: My ever-present vigilance knows no bounds.
TT: At this rate, I might as well find a way to alchemize a chastity belt for you.
TT: Then you'd be able to get a handle on your flagrant incestual urges without a problem.
TT: Another project I'm sure Kanaya would be more than happy to help with, no doubt.
TT: We do always need things to keep us busy, these days.
TT: Though I suppose that might defeat the purpose of the Smuppets. I know how much you love those.
TT: I'll give the matter some though.

TT: In that case, you'll be pleased to know that your birthday will fall on a Monday next year.
TT: And perhaps something good will happen on this most unholy of days, for once.
TT: I think we might even be able spare a little time to grant the poor day a moment to shine.

Edited 2013-02-06 06:11 (UTC)

TG: are you suggesting in that wave of purple that the pristine miss maryam has forfeited her chastity belt and is offering it up for those who need it
TG: i thought she was waiting until the 4th
TG: i dont know what to say
TG: id make you something to say congrats but karkat ate my mouse
TG: something about it offending his culture and containing precious vitamins
TG: ive been keyboardin it this whole time
TG: its like skateboarding but nerdier

TT: That is a secret known only to the two of us.
TT: ;)
TT: Well, hopefully only the two of us. One never can quite tell whether or not Gamzee is hiding in a nearby vent, or whether his accursed honks are merely echoing from somewhere across the meteor.
TT: In any case, your chastity belt will likely be one created just for you.

TT: He ate your mouse?
TT: There must be a story there.
TT: And of course you have to tell me.
TT: I'm only sorry that I wasn't there to see such a miraculous event myself.

TG: id be fine with the hand me down
TG: i checked and our asses are the same size
TG: slim and fit
TG: like an aerobics instructor

TG: downed the thing in one
TG: took him a while to chew through the cord though
TG: got that part as a recording if you wanna see
TG: it was like an angry anaconda eating a mouse
TG: just the squeaky kind
TG: he ate the clicky kind
TG: because i dont really have the squeaky kind
TG: he tried to rant through it but the cord and slight electrocution got in the way

TT: Does Kanaya know that you were checking out her ass?
TT: She is still an alien vampire with a chainsaw, you know.
TT: A taken alien vampire with a chainsaw.
TT: ;)

TT: That seems fairly over the top, even for him.
TT: But also hilarious, and I'd never forgive you if you didn't send me the video.
TT: Or if you were making it up, which I'm roughly ninety percent certain you are.

TT: Oh, by the way. Take a look at these.
-- tentacleTherapist [TT] sent turntechGodhead [TG] the file "PlushRumpFabricChoices.jpg" --
TT: They're five fabric samples that Kanaya had lying around her room, and I'd like your opinion.
TT: I never had nearly as much contact with your brother's Smuppets as you did. Let me know which of these best matches the materials that he used.
TT: I need my gift to be perfect, after all.

Re: I haven't daved apart from forcing myself on vriskas for over a year, we got this.

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

IT KEEPS HAPPENING :Y

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject