spidertime | (no subject)

TT: Does Kanaya know that you were checking out her ass?
TT: She is still an alien vampire with a chainsaw, you know.
TT: A taken alien vampire with a chainsaw.
TT: ;)

TT: That seems fairly over the top, even for him.
TT: But also hilarious, and I'd never forgive you if you didn't send me the video.
TT: Or if you were making it up, which I'm roughly ninety percent certain you are.

TT: Oh, by the way. Take a look at these.
-- tentacleTherapist [TT] sent turntechGodhead [TG] the file "PlushRumpFabricChoices.jpg" --
TT: They're five fabric samples that Kanaya had lying around her room, and I'd like your opinion.
TT: I never had nearly as much contact with your brother's Smuppets as you did. Let me know which of these best matches the materials that he used.
TT: I need my gift to be perfect, after all.

TG: hey woah
TG: do you think i could admire something attached to someone without their permission
TG: i sent her a written invitation and everything
TG: just needed to make sure you were getting a good one

TG: no check it
-- turntechGodhead [TG uploaded "watchtheteeth.mp4" --
TG: it happened
TG: dude is whacked

TG: oh look at that your file seems to have corrupted itself completely by accident and not through me shoving a virus up its ass at all
TG: guess youll have to wing your way through shoving phallic imagery down my throat
TG: ^^^ was part of your prezzie
TG: youre welcome

TT: The fact that you had permission in writing soothes my racing heart. No more will I lie awake in the lightless hours of night, shaking, as I ponder whether or not my brother is intent on viewing my matesprit's posterior without her consent.
TT: Though it would be a shame for such a choice ass to go completely unscoped, wouldn't it?
TT: I mean, in the immortal words of a thousand shallow Earth rappers,
TT: Dayum.

TT: Oh.
TT: That is.
TT: Something.
TT: How could he swallow it whole like that?
TT: Why would he even try?

TT: The mental image of your thrusting anything even remotely phallic down your throat, while at the same time shoving something else up an ass, is one that I would have hoped would never sear my poor, innocent brain.
TT: You've caused me real, physical pain.
TT: Though I have to wonder. Is there something you'd like to tell me?
TT: Regarding a certain mouse-eating troll, perhaps.
TT: Maybe the flushed quadrant isn't the only one the two of us are dabbling in.

TG: B(
TG: you actually just made me make that face
TG: look at it: B(
TG: its the most unimpressed shit you could ever imagine
TG: im a one quadrant kind of guy
TG: so much so that i find the word quadrant offensive
TG: whose got time for that
TG: im a onedrant kind of a guy

TG: sides
TG: how the fuck could i hate a dude who squeaks when hes eating a mouse
TG: that shits just adorbs

TT: Ah, I see. I had it all wrong this whole time.
TT: Your blatantly caliginous bickering with Karkat is nothing more than........
TT: A ruse.
TT: A distaction, even.
TT: A mask between which the two of you hide your true feelings from the world. Feelings of the truest crimson. I must have misread your feelings for poor Terezi as well.
TT: Unless perhaps your flushcrush is unrequited! Poor Karkat just needs someone to hate, and you just need somebody to love.
TT: A tale as old as time. On Alternia, anyway.
TT: My deepest sympathies.

TG: there is actually vomit in my mouth
TG: come here so i can spit it on you
TG: you did this rose
TG: you are the one who has said something so abominably terrible it should be abominabominably terrible 2 x bominable combo
TG: me n tz are tight nothing to be misread there everythings as red as a virgin on prom night
TG: so im returning your sympathies to sender should get back to you in a couple of days
TG: try using them on karkat he probably needs them with my dismissal of his advances or w/e that shit was

TT: My, we're certainly feeling defensive today, aren't we?
TT: Now that I think about it, though, I did see a bruise on Karkat's neck the other day. I didn't think much of it then, but in light of the way you're talking....
TT: It's alright, brother dearest. You don't have to hide anything from me. I'm not here to judge.
TT: If you are experimenting in romance of blackest pitch with Mr. Vantas, that is most certainly your perogative.
TT: Though I would question your taste.
TT: But who knows?
TT: Maybe disgust is normal for a caliginous crush.
TT: Or maybe he gives the most legendary of hatefucks.
TT: Or...
TT: ...Recieves?
TT: ;)

TG: keep that up and im going to piss on everything you love
TG: give you a taste of true blackness
TG: starting with kanaya btw
TG: shed probably take that chainsaw to me
TG: and then youd be down half a brother and all a hateflirt
TG: which is good since after kanaya im next on the list of things you love
TG: and i dont want to piss on myself

TG: what are you doing inspecting his neck anyway
TG: youve got a way nicer one to look at

TT: I didn't know you were into that sort of thing.
TT: This is all going into my extensive notes I keep on your psychological profile, by the way.
TT: "Madly in hate with Karkat Vantas."
TT: "Disturbing fixation on watersport."

TT: I wasn't inspecting it.
TT: I just happened to notice. He wasn't wearing that turtleneck for once.

TT: Kanaya does have a particularly adorable neck, though.

Edited 2013-02-13 07:54 (UTC)

TG: sorry
TG: i forgot to say
TG: ill be pissing on those first since they are the true source of your adoration
TG: forever third best
TG: cant even sound pithy and say second
TG: you rip the poetry right out of me rose

TG: if you noticed that means you were inspecting
TG: theres something philosophical there
TG: cant see a possibly hickey on the cranky trolls neck for the trees
TG: except something thats not like that

TG: sometimes it seems like youre the vampire with all this neck scoping

TT: It's a good thing you don't know where I keep them, then. My notes are safe from your determined stream of revenge piss.

TT: You've caught me. I suppose there's no more use in denying it.
TT: From the beginning, Kanaya has fed upon me. And I, in time, fed upon her, in a bloody ritual thousands of years old, and in that moment, as crimson and jade blood mixed, I became something more than human. More even than a god-tier Seer of Light.
TT: A creature of the night. An unholy, hemophagous member of the no-longer deceased.
TT: I've tasted everybody but you, Dave. You're the last one.
TT: Your blood will be the sweetest of all.
TT: Sleep well.

Edited 2013-02-13 08:14 (UTC)

TG: jokes on you
TG: i dont even bleed
TG: my heart pumps pure irony
TG: switches between rainbows and ponies
TG: on alternate wednesdays its rainbow dash
TG: im safe from your supernatural period metaphors grasp

TT: I've seen you bleed, Dave. It wasn't all that impressive.
TT: Certainly not the geyser of irony you'd like to think it is.
TT: The memory is delicious.
TT: Nobody is safe from the period metaphors.
TT: Nobody.

TG: fuck i think i preferred it when you were implying that i wanted to get down and nasty with karkat
TG: can we back the truck up
TG: i could give you some more meat as well
TG: oh look there i already did it
TG: karkat = red = meat = edible = i want his bone
TG: there go work off that
TG: unless theres something that youd actually like to talk about that isnt excruciating
TG: youd better appreciate how much i like you to be keeping up with this

TT: You just make it so easy, even when you aren't intentionally handing me these things on a silver platter.
TT: If you'll allow me a small moment to be serious, though, I'm glad you are. And not just because you are so pleasantly fun to torment.
TT: It has been a long time since we've just bantered like this, even though we don't have a whole lot of options, these day.
TT: I missed it.

TT: Out of respect for you oncoming birthday, I'll let the matter drop and attempt to have rational conversation.
TT: Which is something that I hear normal people have quite often.
TT: How has it been between you and Terezi? I hear from her even less than I hear from you, these days.

TG: yeah
TG: okay
TG: sure
TG: cool
TG: but yeah i guess ive missed stuff
TG: some of which could be you
TG: might not be
TG: could be other things
TG: mcdonalds and civilization

TG: we should talk more
TG: set up a conversation date
TG: ensure things are maintained
TG: get out the hoe and tend that garden
TG: (another gift youd better be finding me a white beard because im going full santa)

TG: yeah im wondering if shes even got a radio to be projecting the radio silence onto me
TG: shes busy or something
TG: can town is falling into disarray the citizens are going to start a revolt soon
TG: its a tragedy

TT: Why, Mr. Strider. That was very nearly a display of genuine feelings, wasn't it?
TT: Astounding. This is a real breakthrough!
TT: We will certainly have to discuss this further on our little "conversation date," as you so generously put it.
TT: When would be a convenient time for you? I'll have to clear a space in my schedule, just for you. Free time is so difficult to come by these days, after all.

TT: So the Mayor himself is no longer enough to keep order, I assume?
TT: I'm not surprised. He doesn't seem the type to be particularly hard on crime.
TT: Without Ms. Pyrope around to hang anyone who so much as jaywalks, the criminal element would no doubt be emboldened to commit greater and more devastating crimes.
TT: Armed revolution is the only eventuality. I'm sorry.

TG: sorry rose
TG: just as soon as you said feelings i got crushed under a pile of Urgent Shit
TG: going to take at least a month to shake free
TG: go on without me rose
TG: make friends
TG: live free

TG: yeah the mayors doing the best he can and im keeping cultural stimulation up
TG: but its only a matter of time before those poor cans lose what little they have
TG: they built it up from nothing but its all going to be gone
TG: im gonna make myself cry if this keeps up

TT: Oh, don't be such a baby! This is a good thing.
TT: If unnatural and vaguely terrifying.
TT: This conversation date is far more important than the most Urgent Shit you could possibly dream up.
TT: We're doing this, Strider. We're making this happen.
TT: The happening is an incontrovertible fact.
TT: Now let's set a time.

TT: A tragedy for the ages.
TT: I should write a book on the subject.
TT: Executions, Puppets, And Democracy: The Rise and Fall of Paradox Space's Greatest City-State.
TT: Kanaya can write the foreword. Karkat can guest-author an essay about his romantic encounters with Can Town's Chief Minister of Getting Down.
TT: It'll be a bestseller, you wait.

TG: only because you just used my own work to flatter me
TG: idk how does tomorrow sound
TG: i can get washing my hair and looking pretty all out of the way
TG: be the best me i can be for you

TG: im putting down a preorder for seven
TG: and a ticket to you telling karkat that
TG: dudes going to burn down the city
TG: the townscans weep

TT: Tomorrow would be wonderful.
TT: We'll meet in the library, if you think you can find your way there on your own.
TT: If not, I'd be more than happy to draw you a map.
TT: Unless there happens to be something in particular that you'd like to accomplish, we can take it from there.

TT: Washing your hair?
TT: This is a breakthrough. I'll be sure to swoon appropriately when I see it.

TT: Karkat will be more than happy to contribute.
TT: The man's never missed an opportunity to rant about anything relating to one quadrant or another.
TT: All I'd have to do is set up a tape recorder and mention the subject offhand, and I'd have enough material for an encyclopedia on the subject.

TG: nah figured we could play it fast and loose
TG: they have b-ball hoops in libraries right

TG: youd better wash yours too
TG: im not getting all degreased to be outshone by a girl who is less hygienic than me

TG: okay heres an idea
TG: you make that encyclopedia and then well shove a sock in his mouth and never listen to him again
TG: rock solid attack strategy
TG: hell never see it coming and then well be be free of karkat related pain forever

TT: I'm surprised you even know what a "b-ball hoop" is at this point.
TT: But yes, they generally do.
TT: Along with baseball goals, soccer diamonds, and tennis fields.
TT: A marvelous day of sports-themed idiocy awaits.

TT: I wash my hair every day, Strider. I know the concept must be utterly shocking, but it's true.
TT: Some of us have appearances to maintain.

TT: Counterpoint: He'd swallow the sock just as he did your mouse.
TT: We would be free of nothing, unfortunately.
TT: We would only make him more powerful than we could possibly imagine.

TG: course i know what a b-ball hoop is
TG: who the fuck doesnt know what a bowls hoop is
TG: you shove em in the floorboards and score tries not rocket surgery

TG: im going to pretend you didnt just imply that i dont maintain my level of artful dissarray to a t
TG: just think we should look our best for each other

TG: fuck i didnt think of that
TG: reckon we could use him to get rid of anything we dont want
TG: shout n swear garbage disposal

TT: Precisely.
TT: A strike-in-one.
TT: That is exactly what a bowls hoop is, and don't let anybody else tell you different.

TT: So that's where all the hair stuff has been going. I can barely alchemize it fast enough before it disappears.
TT: And here I thought it was Kanaya's doing.
TT: Don't worry. I appreciate the thought, and I'll do my best to reciprocate.
TT: Looking one's best is an important component of any conversation date.

TT: We could use him as renewable energy.
TT: Keep him fed through trash and unwanted crap.
TT: His tantrums could power this meteor all by their lonesome.